Being Mrs Black
by xyellowconverse
Summary: Apparently the bloodline has to be kept clean at all costs, even if it includes marrying off people against their will. Sirius/OC
1. Chapter 1

I woke up with the worst headache ever. How was my head not exploding? Part of me wished that it would so that the pain would be over with already.

I didn't recognize where I was. My eyes were having trouble adjusting to the morning light but the room still seemed unfamiliar. Where was I? What was I doing there? How did I even get there? Memories of the night before were fuzzy. What the hell happened to me?

"Morning, sweetheart," I heard a familiar sickly sweet voice greet me from what seemed like a doorframe.

I tried to focus my eyes on the woman's face. She had familiar cheekbones that could cut through concrete and a pale complexion. My first thought was vampire but I didn't know any vampires and I doubted that they'd be kidnapping me. She had a smirk on her face that I remembered but I couldn't place.

"Did you enjoy your wedding night?" A more familiar voice questioned. My heart stopped as I remembered who it was. My mother, the woman who hated me more than anyone in the world. The same woman who called me a blood traitor and told me that she wished that she'd ripped me out of her womb before I could be born so I wouldn't tarnish our family's good name anymore.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded, my voice sounding hoarse. Had I been screaming all night? "Where am I?"

"Well that's not exactly the kind of language that a blushing bride," my mother chided patronizingly. "How do you think your husband will feel if he found out a mouth you have on you? Now, you're in your husband's old bedroom. Not exactly the best decorated. Hopefully you can help him get a bit more of a woman's touch."

"'My husband'?" I repeated slowly.

The vaguely familiar woman just kept smirking, "Sirius, darling, wake up."

Sirius? My eyes widened at the realization. Sirius Black was a bloke I went to school with and grew up with. Our mothers had been arranging our marriage since their birthing beds. It was an old custom with our traditionalist families. Our match was based on the fact we were both from old, well-respected Wizarding families and our parents didn't hate each other. It was practically a breeding program to keep our "pure blood" from dying out.

Now I remembered where that woman's smirk came from. She was Walburga Black, Sirius' mother. I'd spent many luncheons and dinner parties in her company as a child. She was insane, almost certifiable when it came to keeping her bloodline pure.

I looked over to see Sirius next to me, still peacefully asleep and unaware of our situation. I envied him. He still had a few minutes of blissful ignorance before his world got turned upside down.

My eyes continued to be able to focus. I seemed to be on a messy bed with a lump of blankets next to me. The room was covered in Muggle posters, which was obvious by the fact that the pictures didn't move. There was a Gryffindor banner hung on the wall. Where the hell was I?

"What did you do to us?" I demanded. "How did this happen?"

"Imperius Curse," my mother replied matter-of-factly. "You just needed a little push to the altar."

"It really was a beautiful ceremony," Walburga assured me, exchanging a conspiratorial look with my mum. "It really should have been the social event of the season but we just couldn't risk people noticing you were under the Curse. It's a shame, really. I guess as long as you two aren't dirtying our bloodlines then we'll have to be satisfied."

I scoffed angrily,, "Do you really think this means you've won? Sirius and I'll just get a divorce. In fact, I might marry a Muggle just to spite you after this. I'll pop out a few part-Muggle children and 'dirty' our bloodline plenty."

Walburga and my mother just laughed like the idea was preposterous. "Oh, Annabelle," my mother giggled. "Do you think we wouldn't take precautions about that? Do you really think we wouldn't expect you to try and undo our work? What kind of idiots do you take us for?"

My stomach plummeted, "What did you do?"

"We didn't do anything," Walburga informed me. "You and Sirius just happened to make an Unbreakable Vow of sorts."

My eyes widened and my hands began to tremble. "No," I breathed in denial.

Walburga and my mother exchanged a victorious look. They were both wearing identical smirks. "Just because you refuse to believe it doesn't mean it didn't happen," my mother pointed out. "You did make an Unbreakable Vow."

"What did I - we - vow?"

Walburga and my mother looked absolutely gleefully evil. "Do you want to tell her, Wally?" my mother questioned, looking like an excited school girl.

"It was your idea, Rosie," Walburga beckoned her to continue.

My mother just grinned, "If you insist." She turned back to me, her eyes gleaming mischievously, "You vowed to be faithful. You promised fidelity and loyalty. Oh and to remain married forever. No divorce."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I shook my head, a ball of rage beginning to grow in the pit of my stomach.

"Language! Anyways, I haven't even gotten to the fun part yet. You two have to mate weekly," my mother smirked.

I clenched my jaw, "You want to run that by me again?"

She looked at Walburga and they rolled their eyes at me. "You two aren't going to continue the bloodline if you aren't 'mating'. We figured that once a day was going to get in the way of being productive and monthly would take too long for grandchildren. Besides, if it's weekly then you're less likely to be able to prevent pregnancy. No matter what kind of preventive measures you take, you're more likely to make a mistake."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Can you even begin to grasp how fucked up this is? You're not only forcing me to be married but you're dictating my sex life. Do you really have nothing better to do?"

"What do you expect?! We're desperate!" Walburga snapped.

"Andromeda has always tainted the Black family by procreating with a Muggle and after those Aurors killed your brother... Well you're my only heir left. We can't risk letting you two make any more life decisions that ruin our families," my mother explained. "You two have already shamed us enough with all your rebellion."

"I'm seventeen!" I pointed out. "Why was it so important that you force marriage on me now?! I'm not even out of school yet!"

"We couldn't wait any longer with Sirius!" Walburga snapped. "Regulus told me all about how he acts at school, about how is with women! He told me that if I waited much longer than Sirius would be the father to some part-Mudblood bastard child! We didn't have any choice!"

I shook my head, "You two are insane. I swear that I'm not going to let this harebrained scheme of yours work, even if it kills me."

My mother shrugged indifferently, "Then die. I'd rather that my bloodline stop than have it be infected with Muggle blood."

Walburga huffed, gliding stiffly across the floor. She stood beside Sirius' side of the bed, reaching over to slap him harshly across the face. He jolted awake, a red mark already appearing on his cheek. He looked at me and then looked at our mothers. "What the hell is happening?" he demanded, his voice also sounding hoarse.

Walburga and my mother looked at each other. "I told you that they were perfect together," my mother commented. "They've both got the same awful language."

Sirius turned to me, "Anna, what's happening? What are you doing here?"

I gave him an apologetic look. I really didn't want to have to tell him what was happening. "Sirius, our mothers kind of just ruined our lives."

Our mothers scoffed. "Try to be a little more grateful, Annabelle," my mother snapped.

I glared at her before turning back to Sirius, "Do you remember when we were little? When they used to talk about how we were going to get married one day? That we had an arranged marriage? Well, apparently they were really committed to that idea."

Sirius blinked several times, "We're married?"

I nodded, "They used an Imperius Curse. I don't know how they got to us but apparently got married last night."

He shook his head slowly, "No, that's not - We couldn't have."

"They forced us to make an Unbreakable Vow," I told him as gently as I could.

My mother scoffed, "'Forced' is hardly the correct word."

I turned to shoot her an icy look, "You used an Imperius Curse on us. What the hell else am I supposed to say other than 'forced'?"

"Wait, so why don't we just get a divorce?" Sirius questioned as if that was a simple fix.

I shook my head, "We can't. That was part of the Unbreakable Vow we made. No divorces. We apparently made a Vow to be faithful, loyal, and married forever."

"And you Vowed to attempt to reproduce weekly," my mother added. "That's important, Annabelle. Don't skip that detail or your throat might close up next week."

"Wait, what? We have to try to get you pregnant every week?" Sirius demanded, his eyes looking at me as if he was begging me to tell him this was all a dream.

"Technically, I don't think so. They were talking about 'preventative measures' so I'm guessing that contraceptives are fair game but I have no idea. It's like talking to a bunch of sadistic school girls who think we're some sort of dolls," I replied.

"I resent that allegation," Walburga scoffed. "We have been nothing but forthcoming."

"Oh well then that totally makes up for the fact that you Imperiused us and made us get married," I snapped.

"Temper, Annabelle," my mother scolded. "You should mind your manners with your mother-in-law."

"I don't think I want to talk to them anymore, Rosie," Walburga commented with cool indignation. "I think we should leave these two to discuss this amongst themselves."

My mother nodded, "Let's go have tea."

"I was thinking something a little stronger," Walburga replied. "Maybe some brandy."

"I was thinking maybe some..." My mother's voice trailed off as she and Walburga left the room, discussing their choices of poison. If only I were lucky and they would actually drink poison.

"Um... Anna," Sirius spoke up after it was only he and I in the room.

"Yeah?"

"Are we... Are we naked?"

I tried to force myself not to blush at the realization that he and I were very much naked under the sheets, "Um... Yeah. Marriages are only legitimate after they're... consummated."

If I didn't know him better than I would have swore that a faint blush was creeping up his neck, "Oh."

"So... What do we do now?" I questioned.

"We should probably put on some clothes."

I could feel my cheeks burn, "Probably a good idea."

There was an almost smothering blanket of awkwardness as Sirius and I tried to collect our scattered clothes and redress as modestly as we could while diverting our eyes from each other. I'd heard of morning-afters sometimes being awkward but I hadn't expected that to apply to a morning-after my wedding night.

"So..." I repeated after Sirius and I were clothed and the level of awkward tension dropped slightly but not enough to be comfortable.

"So I guess we're married, huh?" he commented as lightly as he could.

I nodded, "And how are we going to survive that?"

"I think we... I think we should take some time to get our minds wrapped around this before we try to come up with a plan," he informed me. "I - My brain just isn't capable of being productive right now. I just need to come to terms with this."

I nodded again. It wasn't exactly something that you could just accept and move on with at the drop of a hat. "You want some time apart to get your head straight?" I inquired.

"Is that okay with you?"

I looked at him. He looked so sincere, almost terrified. This wasn't the smirking, arrogant, impulsive, headstrong Sirius that I remembered. He was afraid and he wasn't exactly easy to scare. "Sure. Do you want to get together in a few days and try to come up with something then?"

"Tomorrow. We really can't take too much time. I mean, we've only got a week until we have to..." He trailed off, coughing uncomfortably. "I don't really want our throats to close up just yet."

"Tomorrow is good," I assured him.

"How about we meet at my place tomorrow around noon. I'm going to need to bring my mates into this. I mean, we're going to need all the help we can get. I don't want to make you uncomfortable but if we're going to survive this then... You should bring Lily over with you. Mary and Marlene too probably. I know Lily's head will probably explode if she doesn't get a say in this. They'll make it more well-balanced."

I was slightly surprised at the idea. I'd never have considered bringing our friends into this. I'd tell them about it but I wouldn't think to bring them into the solution searching part of it. I just wouldn't think about doing it. He'd always been kind of dependent on his friends but I hadn't realized how encompassing it was that he wanted their opinion on how to survive our marriage. "Okay," I nodded. If he needed them there then I wasn't going to tell him no. This was already going to be hard enough without picking fights.

"And I don't think we should necessarily tell them about it until we're all together," he continued. "It's something that's kind of hard to explain in a letter and I don't want them to get the wrong idea of this. They're kind of hard headed. I don't want them to show up with biases about whose fault is or anything. Is that okay?"

I didn't like this new attitude of his. Well, it was easier to work with than he'd been as a kid but it made me uneasy. It wasn't him. "Yeah," I nodded again. "I'll try to keep Lily on a leash. You might want to muzzle James, though. Might keep him out of trouble."

He smiled for the first time since he woke up, "I'll try. I don't know if there's a muzzle strong enough for him."

I laughed in agreement. James really had no impulse control and no brain to mouth filter. That was half the reason that Lily already seemed to want to kill him. The other half had to do with the fact that he was unbelievably in love with him and had been since we were twelve.

"I'll owl you with the address," he told me.

I nodded for what felt like the billionth time that night, "I'll see you tonight."

He gave me one last empathetic smile before disappearing with a loud _POP! _I sighed, knowing that if our mothers didn't want us to leave then they'd be coming soon. I had to leave before they got back. Nonetheless, I took one last look at the room. I took in the posters of Muggle motorbikes and the less-than-tasteful poster of a half-naked Muggle girl and the Gryffindor banner. This was what I married?

I Apparated back to my room at the Leaky Cauldron. Even after six months after receiving my Apparating License, I still hated having to Apparate. It made me feel claustrophobic and like my eyes were going to bug out of my sockets. Still, I had more pressing issues than feeling like I'd been sucked up a pipe. I had to find a way to persuade my mates to meet me at Sirius Black's flat.


	2. Chapter 2

I had to lie to my friends to get them to agree to go to Sirius'. I told them to meet me at the Leaky Cauldron at a quarter to noon so we could check out a flat that I considering renting. My friends, who were always eager to help, agreed wholeheartedly. After Sirius owled me with his address, I informed him my plan so he'd prepare for the hell that was destined to break loose the moment that the truth was revealed. It only seemed fair to warn him that his flat was about to become a warzone after Lily's temper was released.

Despite all the wrath and vengeance that Lily was going to explode later, she was looking relatively easy-going and relaxed when I met her, Mary, and Marlene in the Leaky Cauldron's dining room. I kind of felt guilty about lying to them but I didn't have a choice. Well, actually, my other option was forcing them to Sirius' by wandpoint, which seemed a bit drastic.

"Hey Anna," Marlene greeted me from the bar with a wide smile. "How have you been?"

I couldn't answer that question honestly without giving away my unexpected marriage so I lied, "Just a little nervous. You know, about going to see the flat. How about you?"

"Not shabby. How's things with Kevin?" she questioned curiously.

It felt like all the blood left my face, probably making me look pale and sickly. In all the panic and stress of Sirius and I's situation, I'd forgotten that I had to deal with Kevin, my relatively new and flawless boyfriend.

I coughed uncomfortably, "Um... You know, let's talk about him later. We really need to go if we want to make that showing. Everybody ready?"

Lily looked at me suspiciously, "Yeah sure."

"Great," I replied quickly before she could change her mind. "Hold onto me."

My three soon-to-be-furious friends exchanged looks before holding on my arms. I took a small turn to the right, focusing on the address that Sirius had given me. Suddenly I was back to feeling like I was being sucked into a rubber tube and shot out the other end. Merlin, I hated to Apparate.

We arrived moments later out a brick building with white windows and a door painted red with a golden colored door knob. It wasn't at all what I had expected Sirius flat to look like. I kind of expected it to have women's knickers hanging out the window and Firewhiskey bottles to litter the front step. Apparently I didn't give Sirius enough credit.

"So are we meeting a realtor or..." Marlene trailed off.

"Um... Not exactly," I replied before walking up the steps to the scarlet front door. "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. I wish it didn't have to be like this."

"Anna, what are you talking about?" Lily demanded apprehensively. "What did you do?"

I didn't reply, knocking on the door. There wasn't anything I could say that they would like or would keep them from storming off. I had to just hope that they'd go inside quietly. Or I could threaten them with various hexes and jinxes but that didn't sound like a good start to this whole meeting.

Sirius answered the door in a plain white cotton shirt, looking kind of casually elegant. What can I say? I had every right to think my husband was fit.

"Hey Anna," he greeted me, his eyes flitting to my unimpressed mates. "Why don't you guys come in?"

Lily gave him a look that she usually reserved for his best mate, James. "I'm not going in anywhere," she stubbornly refused.

"Lils, I love you but if you don't get your arse in the door right now when I'm going to force you," I informed her.

Lily scoffed at the idea. She had to have known I wasn't joking around. My "I'm not playing" look should have been enough to give that away.

Eventually she rolled her eyes and flipped her hair in lofty indignation, "Whatever." She stomped past Sirius and through the door.

Mary and Marlene exchanged looks, wondering if they should fight me or follow Lily. Eventually they decided to follow the ginger's example and head inside. They looked more concerned and curious than Lily's dramatic indignation. They looked at Sirius with quiet inquisitiveness. Lily really tried to keep us away from the Marauders so we never really saw them up close. He was attractive so I couldn't blame their glances.

"Well that went relatively well," Sirius commented after he and I were the only ones left outside.

I nodded in agreement, "I was expecting worse. Wait until she sees James, though."

"Maybe we should take their wands away," he suggested. "Might make it a little less bloody."

"Best idea I've heard so far," I agreed. "How good at dueling? I doubt they'll give them up willingly. I know I can probably take on Lily but I'm not so sure about her and James."

"I can handle James. Who knows? Maybe they'll be mature and see reason," he suggested with innocent hopefulness.

I snorted, "Yeah and maybe Lily will suddenly fall in love with him too and they'll get married and raise puffskeins together."

He scowled at me, "It could happen. Now get inside before Lily and James kill each other."

I rolled my eyes, crossing his threshold. The flat was cleaner than I expected. It was plain with no obvious signs of a bachelor living there. Well. I guess he wasn't exactly a bachelor anymore thanks to our dear mothers from hell.

James and Lily were already arguing by the time we arrived in the living room. Peter was watching them with wide eyes and his mouth gaped. Remus was preoccupied with a book, not even seeming to notice the argument going on at defining volumes. Marlene and Mary looked incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW -" James bellowed, his face turning red and his glasses crooked on his face.

"SHUT UP!" Sirius interrupted, his volume rivaling James'. Lily and James both looked at him with incredulity. No one ever interrupted their arguments like that. He took a deep breath before lowering his volume, "Look, you need to stop bickering. We need to talk and it'll go easier if you stop your fighting. Now give me your wands so you aren't tempted to hex each other."

James almost obediently handed Sirius his wand without question. I suppose that explained a lot about their relationship.

Lily hesitantly fingered her wand, "No."

"Lily," I prompted. "Come on. I promise you nothing bad will happen."

"I don't trust him," she refused.

I held out my hand, "Then hand it to me."

She tentatively handed me her wand, "Are you going to tell us what this is all about?"

I looked at Sirius, "Do you want to explain?"

"Sure, I guess," he agreed. "I don't know exactly what to say."

"First time for that ever," Lily muttered to herself.

"Lily," I told her warningly.

"I know you don't like me, Lily, but you and I are going to have to spend a lot more time together," He informed her. "You see, Anna and I got married the day before yesterday."

The room suddenly erupted with cries of confusion and protest. Sirius and I exchanged exasperated looks while James and Lily went back to screaming at each other about whose fault this was. Even usually gentle-mannered Remus and Peter were joining in on the argument about what could possibly cause this. The room was so loud that it felt as if thunder was going off inside the room and I was beginning to think I was going deaf.

I looked at Sirius questioningly. It wasn't going to be much it better to let them get it out or was it best to stop them before got too far ahead of themselves? His eyes were focused on the arguing group with an annoyed look on his face.

"SHUT UP!" he roared, nearly shaking the walls with the sheer volume of his voice. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound. He gave me an apologetic look when he noticed how startled he made me. He cleared his throat before continuing, "How about everyone sits down, shuts up and we talk about this like semi-responsible adults?"

Lily and James exchanged almost murderous glances but huffily took their seats nonetheless. Remus stiffly returned his attention to his newspaper while Peter slightly recoiled back in his seat. Even Mary and Marlene sat down, waiting suspiciously for our story.

"Anna, do you want to start first or should I?" Sirius turned to me to ask.

I gestured for him to take the floor, curious as to how he would explain the events in his own words. He was unconscious for half of the conversation I had with our mothers so how much of the story did he even actually have?

Sirius nodded, clearing his throat before continuing, "Two days ago, Anna and I were put under an Imperius Curse. Our darling mothers decided it was time for our families to be connected in marriage. Well, actually it was more of an attempt to keep the bloodlines 'clean' but either way, we were abducted and put under an Imperius Curse. We were married in what I'm told was a small ceremony. I have no memory of it at all."

"So why aren't you at the Ministry filing for an annulment?" James interrupted. "If you two were forced into this then it's not legal."

"Do you really think we'd be talking to you about this if there was as easy of a fix as going to the Ministry," I retorted with a scoff. "We can't get a divorce or an annulment."

Sirius nodded, "Anna's right. We don't have that option. Apparently we also made an Unbreakable Vow never to be divorced, as well as some other stipulations that aren't important. Either way, we're married and that's how we're apparently going to stay until one of us dies."

"So that means that you two need to stop trying to kill each other whenever you see each other," I informed James and Lily bluntly. "Because, like it or not, you're going to have to suffer through each other's company a lot more now."

James shook his head, waving his hand as if he were in denial, "No, this can't happen. I refuse to let you stay married to her. There has to be some sort of cure for this or some sort of spell to make the Vow go away."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Honestly, Potter, have you ever heard of anyone get out of an Unbreakable Vow before? They're called 'unbreakable' for a reason."

"**So** what? We should just let them stay unhappily married for the rest of their lives?" James scoffed dubiously.

"Technically we haven't been married long enough to know whether or not our marriage is going to be unhappy or not," I pointed out.

"So what does you two being married even mean?" Marlene spoke up. "Like are you going to live together? Are you going to have to break up with Kevin? Is it going to be like a regular marriage or...?"

I shifted uncomfortably, not really wanting to get into the details about how we'd Vowed our fidelity because I knew then it'd have to lead to the issue of sex, which I had no desire to discuss with them. "Fidelity was part of the Vow," I informed her, lightly grazing over her questions. "No, it's not a normal marriage and we're not going to live together."

"Does that mean you have to break up with Kevin?" Marlene rephrased her question.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Who's Kevin?" James questioned.

"Anna's apparently ex-boyfriend," Lily replied. "Does this mean you're only allowed to be... romantically involved with each other?"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, "I guess, unless we want our throats to close up."

"I'm still not sure what this even means," Marlene announced, almost annoyed at being ignored.

"Nobody knows what it means," I told her with a slightly exasperated shrug. "We haven't exactly had time to figure this out."

"So what do you know?" Lily inquired. "I mean, do you have anything planned out?"

I looked at Sirius, not personally having planned anything but I didn't want to assume anything. "I don't have any plans. I haven't really had any time to think anything through. Sirius?"

He shook his head, "Me neither. I don't figure there's really much to plan. We're married and there's going to be some complications but I'm sure we'll figure something."

"So you guys are just going to go back to your lives for the most part and ignore the fact that you're married?" James questioned dubiously.

Sirius and I nodded. I liked the sound of that plan. "That sounds about it," I agreed.

"Do you really think that could work?" Lily didn't sound convinced of the plan's merit.

Sirius shrugged, "It works until it doesn't and then we'll make a new plan."

Everyone seemed to nod acceptingly, some more hesitantly than others. Little did any of us know how quickly that this plan was going to fall apart.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt like I was having a heart attack. Or at least I felt like I was having what I assumed was a heart attack. I'd never seen one or experienced one before but from what I've heard, it was something like this. My heart felt constricted and my breathing was ragged.

I rolled off my bed, wondering if maybe I could make it to the hospital before I died. They'd hopefully know what was wrong with me. I just had to get downstairs to the fireplace. There was no way I could Apparate in my condition. I'd end up Splinching myself if I even attempted to get to the other side of the city.

There was a loud urgent knocking at the door. I groaned in reply, attempting to get to my feet. I didn't have time for housekeeping. It didn't matter if my bed was made because I was likely going to be dead soon anyways.

"Anna!" I heard a familiar voice gasp outside the door.

"Sirius?" I croaked. I shakily grasped my wand from my back pocket, charming the door to open.

Sirius looked only slightly better than me. His chest was heaving sporadically and his breaths were short and hard. "We don't have time," he wheezed, his hair drenched with sweat and clinging to his forehead. "You need to trust me."

I nodded breathlessly. If he had any idea at all about how to make this stop then I didn't care what he had to do. I just wanted to be able to breathe again.

He stepped forward, almost as if it was physically painful for him to move. He laid a hand on my arm and it was suddenly easier to breathe. Why would touching him have that sort of effect?

"It'll have been a week soon," he informed me, trying to get his breath back. "I'm sorry but we don't have much time. The only way we'll survive this is if we just get it over with."

A week? What was he talking about? It all sounded familiar but the lack of oxygen flow to my brain was making it hard to connect the dots. I simply nodded again, glad that one of us knew what was happening.

His lips crashed against mine more clumsily than I had expected due to his reputation. It might have had something to do with our lack of being able to breathe or maybe his reputation was just a little embellished. Either way, when our lips connected it was like I could breathe better but I was even more breathless at the same time.

The additional oxygen worked its way into my brain, allowing me to remember. It'd been almost a week since we last had sex. And as ours mother said, "we had to mate weekly". It was the Unbreakable Vow that must have been causing my chest to compress. The idea made me suddenly feel nauseous.

"I'm sorry," he murmured again.

I didn't know if he was apologizing because he felt guilty or if it was just his way of passing along his condolences for what was going to happen. I didn't know if he was apologizing because he felt guilty or if it was just his way of passing along his condolences for what was going to happen. Either way, I suppose it didn't really matter.

What happened next felt like some sort of blur of an out of body experience. He obviously hadn't been lying when he spoke about just getting it over with. His hands were all over my body, rushing to rip off my clothes. Luckily it was summer so I wasn't wearing many layers. I didn't even have time to feel embarrassed about the situation. My brain was back to feeling deprived of oxygen and incredibly light headed.

I knew that I should be helpful. It wasn't fair to him to make him do all the work but my brain couldn't process what was happening to even begin to guess where to start helping. It was all I could do to stay vertical, something that eventually wouldn't matter anyways.

He began to undress himself, his fingers working nimbly at his buttons. His eyes stayed focused on my face, not straying to my exposed body. I suppose it was the chivalrous thing to do but it didn't matter much considering what we had in store for us.

He gripped me by arm gently, herding me backwards to the bed. It was a miracle that he could even take charge in this situation. If it'd been left for me then we'd both before the hour was up.

He pushed me backwards onto the bed, causing me to land with a soft bump. Luckily as a housekeeper, I was able to monopolize a few extra blankets. If I hadn't then my landing would have been harsher. Inn beds weren't exactly notorious for being soft.

"I'm sorry," he told me one last time before defeatedly crawling onto the bed, looking down at me. I could see the disgust and hesitance in his eyes. I knew that I didn't want this but somehow it was worse knowing that he didn't want this either. He didn't want me either.

The actual act, "mating" as my mother had called it, was... different than I'd imagined. I'd heard girls talking about what it was like and how romantic it can be. How their first times were going to involve candlelight and rose petals. I couldn't remember my first time and this was... Horrifying. I never wanted it again, not like that. Yet, in another week I'd be in the same position, my throat constricting if I didn't give into it.

I knew Sirius was miserable too. After our throats still trying to close and we could breathe properly again, we became aware enough of the situation for a thick layer of tension to culminate across the room.

It might be a good thing that we weren't talking. I knew what he would ask if we were. He'd ask me how I was feeling and if I was okay. He might be offended by the answer because the truth was that I was feeling like taking a bath in bleach.

I felt... raped. It wasn't Sirius' fault. I couldn't blame him. He was just as much of a victim as I was. Our mothers had taken away our ability to not consent. We hadn't done that to each other and yet, I couldn't bring myself to look at him directly.

"Do you want me to go?" his voice was so soft when he asked this that at first I thought I was hallucinating.

I shook my head, "No."

"Do you want me to stay?"

I shook my head again, "No."

He managed to chuckle, "Do you just not care then?"

"Don't take it personally," I managed to tell him, tugging on the sleeve of my dressing gown. "I can't manage to care about anything right now."

"Okay, I'll go then," he informed me. "You know where to find me if you want to talk. We'll talk about what we're going to do next week later."

I winced at the idea. We were going to have to go through this again. And again. And again. And again until one of us died. The thought of it made me only want to bathe in bleach that much more.

"It'll get better," he assured me, noticing my reaction. "We'll make this work."

I only nodded curtly in reply, not buying into any of his words of support. There was no solution to this.

He gave my shoulder a supportive squeeze on his way out the door. I tried not to recoil from his touch but it had become a reflex. He didn't seem too outwardly devastated by that. He only smiled reassuringly before taking his leave.

Once he was gone, I was beginning to wonder if maybe making him stay would have been a better idea. At least if he was here then there'd be some sort of distraction from the nagging sensation in the back of my head that was telling me to curl into the foetal position on my bed and sleep for days. In fact, that was exactly what I was going to do...


End file.
